A Change in Thinking

It’s almost midnight

• And I have a flight to catch tomorrow. Since I missed it last week, I booked a shuttle. So I have a few options. That was a freak incident, and it was during the day, so I don’t expect something similar, but you never know.

I found out today

• I got into Racket School. All of a sudden, I was in a bit of panic; had I made the right choice? I spent the morning working through Haskell exercises (I’m now on Chapter 11) and asking persons if I was making the right choice attending another camp.
• Finally, I came to the realization that I should just ask my GSoC mentor (who has a PhD). He gave me really good advice and I subsequently ended up choosing Racket school instead. Another PhD mentor was also hoping that I’d pick that camp as well, so he was profoundly happy.
• Another friend of mine told me as much as he liked hanging out with me, that this was the time I had to go out and seek my opportunity, so he was okay with my being out of town. So there is a lot of push and energy to see me succeed, which is nice.

I also turned down another scholarship

• Don’t get me wrong; a year ago I would have been over the moon to accept it. But I came to the realization that it isn’t what I want to focus on. And that’s all right. I’ve gotten better at just saying “no”, but it’s still really tough for me. I’m one of those “Don’t pass up on opportunity” people. Which is good in some ways because I make the most of things, but also really bad because I end up spreading myself too thin and burning out. So I’m getting better at this.

I had class today, and then my Mentorship meeting

• It went well, even though there was something in the back of my mind that was really quite upsetting me. I actually think one of my mentors was sort of aware of this, but I didn’t really bring it up as I really don’t want him to have to think about it or feel any anger towards anyone. I’ve just been thrown under the bus by one particular person over and over again, and it’s been sort of a mistake I wish I hadn’t made, befriending that particular person. I’m afraid of interacting at an event, and thinking today of just setting money aside so that if things are absolutely terrible, I can buy a ticket straight back home. I hope it won’t come to that, but I have to be ready in case this person lashes out and lies about me and there are repercussions I don’t expect.
• But I’m trying to stay positive about it; the organizers want me to be there, and I like the general intent and some of my friends are speaking. I’m going to focus on that because some of my friends are speaking for the first time, and I’d like to support them.

When I get back from my flight (Saturday)

• I have a meeting with my other mentor, who is in Dublin (for the Rust event), and then I can relax and work on my assignments for the next pull request I’m working on. I was able to get a pull request accepted, after reviewing it a couple times. I really liked the process, especially the “small chunks” process. My mentors have indicated that that is preferable. I prefer that, too, so I don’t go off and do something crazy.

I really like this Open Source world

• I think with a good team with nice people, it’s a really, really great experience. I’ve been enjoying it thus far, and learning a lot!
• The people seem particularly nice. I was told today that there aren’t stupid questions and that I shouldn’t be afraid. It’s nice to see code that you worked on go into production. It’s nice to learn from people with more experience.

I’ve got to get up early to pack and head out in a few hours…so that’s it.